Confused and Frustrated, Need Advice

It’s like the Twilight Zone where I live…

I moved out of the house I was sharing with my children and am now renting a room temporarily from a filipino couple (two gay guys) and have three other roommates (it’s a huge house; four bedrooms downstairs–one that isn’t being used–and two bedrooms upstairs) which consist of two other gay guys and a straight guy–who is the strangest straight guy I have ever met.

Now the straight guy is only one of the crazy ass men I’m referring to–the other is a friend of mine who works for Sacramento County and is married to a beautiful woman who, he claims: never has sex with him. Now when a man says “my wife never has sex with me”, typically it’s a few times a year. My husband and I had sex very infrequently at one point–I would say once a month, maybe even every six weeks; he wouldn’t say I never had sex with him–he would say that I didn’t have sex with him enough. Never is extremely infrequent, most definitely. So I was thinking he was going to say every six months TOPS–he said every two weeks. Go figure.

Here’s why these guys are crazy: I have flirted up a storm with my roommate who, no joke, is one of the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life; he’s about 6’5″, 275 pounds (he is super solid and muscular) and he has the most gorgeous tan. He’s 51 years old, but doesn’t look more than 40-42. He looks like he would be a ball player. And when I first moved in about 5-6 weeks ago, we hit it off, or so I thought at the time. We got along well and immediately realized how much we have in common. Yet, despite all this, he pretty much wants nothing to do with me. That’s not the strange part. He claims he adores me–he has even said I love you to me–in a completely friend-only way, of course–but has told me time and time again there’s some reason, one which I “would never understand”–that keeps him from being able to be with me “even though he wishes he could be”…Ummm….Okay…

Then this “friend” seemed like the nicest guy I had ever met..we have everything in common. We met a couple years ago at a party and, though I didn’t have the opportunity to get to know him much that first night, I made an impression on him because he looked me up over two years later, found my many blogs, my website and my 5 Facebook pages and deduced from that that I am an amazing person (blush blush..) so wanted to take me to lunch. Well, it turns out he, to be quite honest and very blunt–only wanted one thing from me and when he didn’t get it, well–sayonara, pal.

But back to Mr. Beautiful. He is just, I can’t explain it, the most intriguing man I’ve ever met and there’s just something about him I can’t get over. And I’m dying to know what this “secret reason” is which keeps him from being with me. I know, I have already thought of what you’re thinking right this very moment–women like a challenge; women want what we can’t have. But it’s more than that. I don’t know what my deal is with this guy. I have never let a guy treat me so shitty before, and then let him get away with an apology like it was nothing.

love4Does anyone have any advice or insight they can offer me on this? If any additional information is needed, please–ask away, I’m an open book. **It’s important that I add that I still love my husband very much–we are going on two years’ separation, however…I’m ready to see other people. And believe me, I HAVE TRIED TO WIN HIM BACK…it’s just not happening! In many ways, however, I think that’s out of a sense of loyalty more than anything…he and I, while we still love one another (we even say I love you and kiss on the lips when we part ways, after all this time!), we have completely grown apart in many ways and don’t see eye to eye on, well–really anything. But for the record, I do still love him very much. Perhaps this other guy isn’t meant to happen because, well–it could be a sign that my husband and I need to really put in the full fledged effort to work things out once and for all…kind of confusing, right? Believe me…no one is more confused as hell than ME!

love3So all I ask for, at this point, is some insight and/ or guidance on this subject from my fellow bloggers and/ or my readers…I desperately want to either figure my mysterious roommate out, or move on..! Possibly to reunite with and rekindle the love and passion with the man I married nearly 16 years ago! I have not completely given up on him, either…

I’m really counting on some comments and feedback on this one…please! It would be most appreciated!





  1. He’s married with children, and like you, on separation phase, but still loves hi wife and determined to be together with her.
    He’s actually gay.
    He’s got a terminal disease.
    He has another woman somewjere.


    1. I think those are all creative ideas, but believe me, all which I myself have truly pondered again and again. It’s not any of those things. I was thinking maybe an STD, but it can’t be that. Just trust me, it’s not. There is no other woman. He left his wife and sons over twenty years ago and still regrets it. He has a granddaughter his son won’t let him see because he walked out. It’s complicated, granted. But so is my life, so I get that.


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