Double Standards, or Game Playing For Dummies

I have someone in my life (he’s the most influential and present person in my life as well)  who constantly uses double standards in our relationship, and if I say anything about it, just to make things merely equal, I get yelled at. Double standard is defined by dictionary.com’s iPhone app as meaning:  any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another. Why should the rules imposed on me be completely different–opposite even–than those placed on someone else? Does that attitude and thinking align with the thinking of people today?  HA! Fat chance! To even think about what this world would be like if that was a normal, socially acceptable way of thinking, makes me feel like hitting something. No, more like slapping something upside the back of the head. Hard. This person, I noticed, has been doing it more than just a bit. He does it several times in several different types of situations every single day. In fact, I began this post about two weeks ago, and I held off on publishing it to give me a chance to see if perhaps I was wrong about this person and the double standard notion. That was when I noticed how frequently this is a occurring with him. More specifically, I’ve noticed that he seems to change the rules to make it convenient for him. It’s not that he’s being sexist or trying to be rude or disrespectful to me at all, he’s simply lazy and has no traditional values nor is he all that much of an honest person, to be real here. Let me give you a couple of examples. He made a statement the other day that his spouse needs to talk to him before she spends money on anything big, but he turned around and talked about he hates it when she gets mad because he doesn’t talk to her about anything anymore and he makes constant decisions without talking to her.  Uh, hello dude! Are you kidding me?

He also said he doesn’t want his wife dressing him. Later in the conversation he said how bad she look in loose clothing because she’s put weight on. He then, not two minutes later, said that he wishes he could get her to dress in the sexy, flattering clothes he suggests. Oh my gosh, this guy is too easy! I sat in silence after he made that comment and then I looked at him with eyes that said, “Come on, you’re not serious?” And he goes, “What?” I pointed out that he just got through saying he didn’t want her to dress him; then he turned around and said very plainly in the same conversation that he wishes he could dress her. I told him that’s messed up, because it’s double standards. He goes “get out, it is not!” I told him that’s exactly what it was and he walked away looking extremely embarrassed.

Double standards are something most commonly, in my opinion, used by males for females. It’s a macho-man way of thinking about the world. Men want to feel superior, stronger, more in control and in charge. That attitude is most definitely innate and even being aware of it, men will still from time to time try to one-up their wives, girlfriends, and/or female friends just to assert their dominance, their place as the “king of the forest”, so to speak. I think it’s disgusting, personally, when I hear this attitude and 99% of my strong negative feeling about that comes from the fact that my estranged husband is a total chauvinist and, despite my loving him, we are both at a point we can’t take anymore of the other, so I suppose I should just quit thinking about this because I’m going to get myself worked up for nothing.

So gentlemen. Before you complain about your wives, stop and think for a second: did she complain about the same thing I have complained about with her? If so, you two actually have more in common than you thought yo u did. Feel good about that, but feel bad about the double standard issue because it isn’t right. This is 2013, almost 2014, and men and women are equal and so should all of their rules for each other. Equality between men and women continues to be a major issue and it will for many, many years, especially as long as people continue to use double standard thinking on each other. Even if it’s unintentional….it’s something that needs to be brought to people’s attention when it comes up so that eventually it stops being an issue in this world.

Just stop and think about the complaints you undoubtedly have about your husband or wife or spouse before you make them, because she or he may have the same complaint about you. And it would be easier to talk it out together, as a couple, than to later bad mouth each other to other people and make it even worse. Perhaps the ones complaining about each other need a little couple time!

“Don’t tell them they can’t do something then turn around and do it yourself. Double standards aren’t fair to anyone” ~ Emily Smith

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