I was in a marriage for almost 15 years before getting legally separated. But no one can say we didn’t stick by one another trying our damnedest to work on our marriage. We both took our vows more serious than most people, and we believed we’d be together forever. Unfortunately when I injured my back pretty severely (then also had three MRIs done, all showing four different problems with my back) while working at our Sports Bar & Grill, which we owned and I managed every single day, they put me on Nwork, then switched to Oxycontin, and even though I decided to quit on my own, after three months of begging my Physician for help to wean down off the opiate pain killers, I was told to do it alone; he couldn’t deal with how out of control my behavior and my relationship specifically with him was becoming, so he moved out, leaving me to deal with getting off of horrible narcotic pain killers while also caring for my three children. Considering the way our relationship went from that point on, I believe we were completely making the right decision regarding separating. But I loved him so much at one time and we had a great marriage. I love his two daughters, nearly my age, and the seven grandkids they gave us.
I, however, am now in a new relationship, for over a year now ~ with a female ~ and we have had problems BUT we never brush things under the rug, we always talk about it, and each week we work on one new thing to change about ourselves at the other’s request. To make a long story short, we have excellent communication, and when one of us does something wrong, never..ever…we sit and calmly talk about it. No yelling. No bringing up the past. No throwing past mistakes in the other’s face. I know if we continue to care enough about our relationship to make changes in ourselves, we will never get tired of or resentful about things unsaid. There are no things unsaid between me and my new love and life partner.
A young lady I know, who met the man of her dreams and married him within seven months, they had a baby together giving them 5 kids between them, and are now having problems. She kicked him out of the house recently for a few days, but he came back. They still fight and bicker daily.
I wrote a letter to the young lady and told her they had to at least try marital counseling plus both go individually to a therapist.
So many young people in this country get married without really knowing what love is, so when they move in together after the marriage, they learn things about the other party they don’t like or are irritated by. Ever heard the phrase “don’t sweat the small stuff”? If a marriage is under ten years old, and a divorce results, the couple has not properly or effectively communicated about the things they don’t like about the other party, things they say and do, how they parent the children; if they have any resentments toward the other party and it doesn’t get resolved, of course a divorce is imminent. Sitting down and talking about the marriage and each sharing openly with the other about resentments which may have built up, causing one or both parties to either fall out of love with their spouse or not want to continue brushing things under the rug.
A successful marriage is full of constant, patient and loving communication about everything that happens all the time. Doing this keeps your marriage alive and I have realized, makes you fall in love with the person over and over every day.
That’s what a healthy, positive and mutually respectable marriage includes. If you can’t get your spouse to talk to you about the issues, which start off small but then get bigger as the resentment grows, your marriage is destined to fail.
Marriage takes a lot of daily work, and you can’t ever give up on that. Thick and then. For better or worse. Til death do us part. Those are real vows and if they don’t mean to you what they mean to couples who constantly are willing to work on the marriage, as well as themselves individually, divorce is the most common ending for those who fail to take a step back and look not only at their spouse, but also at themselves.
Remember the reasons you fell in love with the other party every day, and everyday, take twenty minutes out of your day to do something special for your spouse, let them know they are loved and appreciated every day.
That’s how you keep a marriage going strong for many years. Give it a try…you’ll see what effect doing those small things will have on your stagnant marriage. I have the best relationship now, simply because of our amazing communication skills and ability to take criticism. Try it…you’ll see…