Reality Check

Life reared its ugly head at me this past week, turning around and coyly winking at me with a snarky grin, but not before rolling it’s eyes at me, almost pathetically chuckling right in my face, as if blatantly  to give me some kind of wake up call. Yep. That’s exactly what it was. A wake up call that I, a 42 year old woman, hadn’t yet realized.

I live in a fairy tale world. 

That is certainly nothing to be proud of. How, you ask, did I come to such a conclusion? Well, it’s simple. Stupid and simple. I have known since the day I moved into my apartment that I would have to move out by the end of September. I knew the time was coming. I thought about it at least once every single day. Yet I hadn’t done all of the things I needed to in order to be set to move. True, there were circumstances which were out of my control. Such as the State of Colorado Department of Motor Vehicles.

I have been in the DMV office at least 15 times in 2 years. I have produced for them just about every document known to man in order to prove my identity in order to get an identification card, and in order to get an ID card for the first time in this State, you have to eat through your left leg and possibly half of your right one. They have a department called exceptions processing, it’s for people who don’t have the documents they need in order to prove their identity to get their ID card or driver’s license. You have to provide at least one document from each of four different categories of documents. For example, you have to provide a document to prove your date of birth, one to show your social security number, one to prove your name, and one to prove your address here in Colorado. You cannot use a document more than one time so for instance, you could use your birth certificate to prove your date of birth and to prove your name, but you can only use a document one time which puts you in a position of having to come up with another document for that category that you probably have never even had before such as a passport.

I have gone so far as to contact the Stateline, Nevada Casino in which I married my soon to be ex-husband in 1997. They said it didn’t adequately “fulfill the requirement for proof of name change” . Really mother fuckers. You specifically told me to get that document. Oh I see, now you’re saying that I need to change my married name back to my maiden name and just use my birth certificate, rather than having to prove how I changed my name. Got it. You all are crazy.

I did, however, get a job. They are patiently waiting for me to get my ID card. I can start the day I get my ID card. Which brings me to how I live in a fairytale world.

First of all, I’m a very positive person. I always try to think the best in every situation and about everyone I meet, regardless of what’s happened to me in the past. In some way I suppose I just believe that something’s going to come along and save the day. That my Prince Charming is always just right around the corner, waiting to come rescue me. Because it’s always happened that way for me, and I guess it spoiled me. Everybody always seems to say, “Oh things will work out” or “Oh I’m sure things will get better soon”. Well I came to literally believe that in every situation. Not to mention, I was in an abusive marriage for a very long time and I got used to him always controlling everything and making all the decisions and taking care of everything. Which led to me sitting back and letting someone else fix everything. It definitely made me realize how much my husband was really not as bad as I thought he was; in fact I would even to so far as to say he was a good husband.

So here I sit. Struggling with uncertainty, frustration and more anxiety than I have ever had in my life, as I scramble to figure out where I’m going to live and how I’m going to eat until I get my ID card.

Reality bites, but hopefully I remember this feeling I have in my stomach at this very moment, and learn from it. But the Princess usually waits in the castle for her Prince, and that’s undoubtedly what I will do. Guess I can’t complain, I like me how I am.

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