FML

Things are pretty tough at my house right now. Without going in to detail, let me just point out that there is nothing worse than living with a spouse with whom you are enthralled in a divorce, and the only way you can leave is once you find a job and can afford your own place.

And your kids have to be right smack in the middle of nasty drama. I never had a temper until I married this man. We just know how to push each other’s buttons perfectly but, he pushes mine so well I lose my cool these days so quickly, so easily I’m ashamed but he makes me so angry I can’t control it. Featured Image -- 3260

 

I don’t know how I’m going to survive until this is over, but I am trying to be strong.

He makes damn sure each day is more miserable than the one before, and he treats me shittier every day than he did day previous. Who can survive a life like that? Someone help me!

The Aftermath of an Unplanned Dog Fight, Part Two

Angry Talk (Comic Style)

I apologize for the huge delay in posting part two of this story, I was still dealing with part of it and didn’t want to post this in the interim…

..After I finally removed my dog from my roommate’s dog, I turned and went to my room, where my 13 year-old daughter was crying her eyes out and very upset because I was visibly angry at my dog and immediately began to yell at him when I had the door shut. I had never in my life been so frustrated and pissed off at an animal, but I certainly didn’t want to lose my cool in front of my baby. I was so worked up that I was struggling to breathe, and my lungs felt like they were gasping for oxygen. It was a terrifying feeling, not being able to calm down. Minutes and minutes passed with me still gasping for oxygen, and my daughter was looking at me like she didn’t know who I was for a few minutes…

I tried to speak but had to stop, as I was so short of breath that I was in tears. As soon as I spoke I knew I needed to calm down, but I couldn’t. I was still worked up, and I knew that more was coming. I turned and grabbed the dog collar from the floor. I explained to her that Scooby was very bad for fighting with Boot that way. She said, “Mommy he already got punished!” I couldn’t even speak. I grabbed him and headed for the back door, which led to the backyard.

As I took him out to get him away from me, I saw the long, thick plastic-coated wire dog leash wrapped around the large oak tree right outside my bedroom door, and I rushed over to it and told him, as I chained him up, that he better be quiet and not make a sound. He looked incredibly sad and forlorn, and I wanted to reach out and grab him and make him feel better with hugs and kisses~I adored that dog and he knew it~but all I could do right then was turn and go back to the room; I needed to comfort my baby girl, she was very upset.

…On second thought, I walked past her–meaning to go right back and grab her and hug her tight and let her know it would be okay–but I instead entered the hallway that leads to all our rooms. I knocked aggressively on my roommate’s door–the one who had left the door open and inadvertently let Scooby in to the house while Boot was also out. That had never happened before. Boot hardly ever came out of his room since we moved in, out of fear of Scooby. I knocked quite loudly and when I realized the music was blaring in the room, I knocked again…only several times louder.

He answered, and I remember thinking he looked completely unaware of what had just happened. I said, “did you hear what just happened?” He looked confused, then said, “NO” with an air of feeling stupid for not knowing what had happened. I immediately began the story of how Scooby walked through his doorway, which I had mentioned to him several times, and explained of the awful fight the two got in. I asked that he please not allow my dog into the house when I put him in the back. He said, sheepishly, “Okay” as he lamely shrugged his shoulders. I yelled out, “THANK YOU!” and turned, walking back to my room. I was a total bitch about it but I was very upset.

I had no sooner reached out to push my door open when he came rushing out of the room mid-sentence, causing me to tell him to repeat himself, as I was unable to hear what he was saying. Without going in to too much detail, let me just say this: the next ten minutes were a blur of me and my roommate yelling at each other and me getting physical with him, causing him to start acting like a toddler, at which time he was purposely trying to instigate me and see how far he could push me. I later tried to figure out what caused him to do that, then I remembered. Only a week earlier I had told him that I have a horrible temper, and that I really want to start going to anger management, because I don’t like how I feel when and after I get mad. I feel so out of control.

He was using that to get back at me right then, and I hated him for it.  At one point he slammed the door in my face on purpose, and locked it quietly, so that when I tried to open it I didn’t know he had locked it, so I kicked it…well it’s a very old door, and it opened all right; it opened with the door losing pieces from the side, and you know what that cost me? It cost me over $200 to replace.

Having an anger problem isn’t fun, and it isn’t cheap. I will be starting anger management classes within the next week. And I lost a friend over my temper. I have thought and thought about that day, and I don’t understand why he had to come out after I asked him to please not leave his door open anymore. But one thing I am learning quickly about anger is that, you have to try really hard not to put too much thought in to situations, but to try to forget about them altogether.

I will definitely be updating this blog with anger management course stuff, because it’s something that is important to me, and which I know I will benefit from.

20131102-012643.jpg. He goes “Why don’t you leave him alone?”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“He doesn’t want you bothering him…”

“Why are you saying that, this was about the dogs?”