There is an ongoing debate and, shall I say, “Marital Feud”, between my estranged husband and myself which deeply disturbs me but, moreover, frustrates me to no end. I would like to know what others feel about this. Am I really wrong?
He believes that I have sickeningly invaded his right to privacy and also that I have “destroyed the sanctity of marriage” by posting blogs which detail specific experiences in our marriage since I started this blog last spring. There have been very few posts which have been specifically about him, but there were two in particular which really chapped his hide and he bullied me in to removing them: one was about his expectation when we married that I change football teams as a fan of my family’s San Francisco 49ers, to his Oakland Raiders. He was enraged when I described his goading of my favorite team for the duration of our marriage and made him look like a huge prick, which wasn’t my intention at all. The other problematic blog post which I eventually deleted was about his treatment of me one Saturday last July when I missed methadone dosing two days in a row, leading to my legs becoming numb and rendering me unable to walk.
He was so upset over these posts that he begged his entire extended family to boycott me by blocking me on Facebook. Isn’t that reaction of his – turning his entire family against me – just as damaging to me, if not more damaging, than my posting of blogs which he felt invaded his privacy?
I explained to him..or at least I tried to, that my blog has no followers from either of our families. I will admit, however, that I had forgotten my blog posted to Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn as well, which I didn’t really think much of since I never have comments or feedback from any of my 500+ Facebook friends, 70 Twitter followers or 89 LinkedIn connections. I have since removed my blog’s connection to all popular social media sites. That seemed like a fair solution. Not that I should stop posting on MY blog as I see fit, when I see fit, however.
Am I being selfish? That was never my intention, as I always felt I was blogging to complete strangers and really, who cares what strangers know about me, or about my life, right?
Wait til You Get a Load of This 
I created a completely anonymous blog so that I could write with brutal honesty, about me and the people in my life, without repercussions. I didn’t want to have to self-censor anything. There is only one friend I have that knows I have a blog (and my most recent lover who is also a blogger). It’s difficult to not share things with my real life facebook and twitter friends, or to even tell people I am writing, but I keep them completely separate because it is only my side of the story. I write for therapy and closure, not for popularity or sharing with friends and family. It’s a tricky choice but you definitely open yourself up to criticism – like you have received – and in my opinion some things should remain private…unless you are sharing with 500 strangers who don’t know who you are or what you look like 🙂
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Ann I completely agree with you here. I wish I had taken all of the things you mentioned into consideration before I so non challantly failed to make it anonymous and share with my friends, I truly didn’t think about it because I quickly forgot the fact that eachpost was going to Facebook, as I wasn’t getting any feedback on Facebook about them and no one mentioned anything about them, so in my eyes I was only posting to my WordPress followers and no one else. I was stunned when I realized I was making him mad, because I had always been so considerate of everyone’s feelings and in particular, the feelings of my husband, regardless of how much negativity surrounded our lives. I wish I could go back and start over, but obviously I can’t, and the damage has already been done, leaving me feeling like a complete ass and ashamed of my insensitivity and inconsideration of others. But now I am aware of it, and it surely won’t happen again. More than anything, I’m embarrassed…
Thanks for your comments Ann, they were very much appreciated 🙂
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You can certainly not go backwards but you could stop the auto posts, remove links, etc…maybe even change to a new blog for future stuff?
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I write about my life experiences too and about the people in my life, however I keep who I am private including not posting a picture. I do this in order to protect those I write about, in doing this they are kept anonymous too and therefore could be anyone. There are however parts of my story which would inform those who really know me as to who this blogger is. I would hope they would keep that information to themselves and respect my privacy but there is no guarantee of this. This is just one of the risks of blogging which I have decided to accept. The point here is, if someone doesn’t like something you write about them, then it is because your perceptions of what they did makes them feel bad about themselves. I say ‘perceptions’ because we don’t always know what is going on in the person’s head and if they don’t tell us then we can only perceive our side of the situation. If anyone has an issue with something I write in my blog, I would tell them then maybe you should think about why it bothers you so much because I write as honestly about my own faults and I try to put them in perspective with how other people’s actions affect me including understanding why I may feel the way I do. I won’t let someone bully me into removing something just because they are uncomfortable with what I have to say about how their interaction in my life doesn’t sit well with them. It is a fine balancing act and I work towards making my blog about me and not about them as much as I can. -Kate
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Kate, your comment was inspiring and I thank you for so candidly expressing what I was attempting to express to my husband but was unable to find the right words to make him understand or even listen. I wish I had made my blog anonymous but when I created it I was unsure how to do that. Your thoughts have given me the confidence I needed to fight for my right to blog about my life in whatever manner I choose. I know there are a lot of people who dont get what I’m doing by blogging about my life but its certainly not to smear his name or make him (or anyone else) look bad even a little bit. Thank you for taking the time to reply, Kate.
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LuLu, you are most welcome. I believe in being candid, though at times I find this difficult face-to-face with people. I don’t think quickly on my feet which is what started me writing. Anyway, you do always have the choice to begin a new blog that is not linked to this one or others, and using a new identity while keeping it anonymous. You could satisfy those who are concerned by saying you would shut this one down, however that would mean losing your followers from this one. But it is an option if this becomes too difficult in your life. You can always go pick up those you have followed and who followed you on this blog to your new blog. Just a thought. You can keep this comment private or delete it if you wish. -Kate
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